Quick sketch on my way to the Pomona Courthouse, catching a ride with my old friend Salvador, who was heading in that general direction … I was trying to figure out how this “jury duty” thing works. [20220103]
After Sal + driver dropped me off and drove away, I walked in the building, through the security scanners… and I had a flashback of recognition, where I realized that I had an old, buried fear of courthouses- some of the most harrowing human narratives pass through there. I had forgotten- until I walked in, I remembered.
The last time I was in a courthouse was 1995/96, when I failed to testify as a witness (in my aunt’s mugging/ manslaughter case) because my parents didn’t speak English well enough to find the right room, and I couldn’t do any better because I was eight years old. We asked for help, couldn’t understand instructions, circled back and forth multiple times, then finally just gave up and went home, because… well, we didn’t really want to be there anyway. To be clear: I didn’t want to testify…and I still don’t. But for me the memory was loaded with unresolved frustration, shame, confusion, and remorse for ever after.
This time, in 2022, I arrived alone- called in for random jury duty, no personal reasons or emotional baggage at hand. I had also just seen artist Jane Rosenberg’s drawings of the Maxwell trials online, and I was newly inspired and curious about courtroom artists’ lives... The idea of speed-drawing from observation, where cameras aren’t allowed, sounds intriguing (but getting up at 4am to fight for a “good seat,” does not).
Anyway, I walked in with my sketchbook and pencils ready, dressed like a funny tourist… I found the room easily, asked questions, imagined I was a courtroom artist… and then I left. They ended up dismissing me via phone the next day because I wasn’t needed anymore, for unknown reasons. OK! Totally fine with me.
Nothing actually happened that day- and yet, I felt some kind of closure, like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. What was it? Just a demystification of the courthouse, of what it’s like inside? Or for my Inner Child to feel some satisfaction in finding the right room, all by myself, and it wasn’t scary or miserable, it was actually just like, No Big Deal, like, Whatever? Actually kinda boring? Or was it for my current self to know that I could potentially go back and make some drawings, and maybe that could even lead to a freelancing side-gig, who knows?
Whatever it was… I’m glad I went to go check it out, I’m glad I didn’t try harder to avoid it, or come up with some lie or scheme for postponement. Now I feel like… uh… at least when I go back again, in the future… I have a better idea of what to expect, and how to prepare.
Dr. Will (my counselor) said he’s learned over the years, that the best remedy for anxiety is to confront your fears when they arise, and work through them with practice, so… I guess maybe this was an example of that, for me. Not a huge fear, but something vaguely adjacent.
(EDIT: Oh yah I forget to mention… The visit also reminded me of that thing Lee Scratch Perry said once, when asked why he moved to Europe- he said something about the “Lion’s Den,” and how he wanted to go see it for himself… I’m not gonna try and quote him here on the internet here because I can’t find his exact words. But I was thinking back on that line, and thinking, maybe the American judicial system is kind of like that too. If you know the quote, then it probably will make some sense to you… And if not, then just forget I said this.]
Here are a few samples of Jane Rosenberg’s courtroom drawings: vvv
“Outside of the courtroom, Rosenberg’s art focuses on happier, more idyllic scenes…. blooming flowers, bright bakeries and colorful sunsets. ‘The courtroom life is all sad,’ she said. ‘It’s just horrific things. Nobody’s happy in a courtroom.’”
-J.Roseberg (https://time.com/5301818/courtroom-sketch-artists/)
#sketchbook #sketch #drawing #livedrawing #mixedmedia #visualjournal #pleinair #Janerosenberg #courtroomart #courtroomartist